Finding Solace in Silence
Do you wake up most mornings to generally the same thoughts that play repetitively throughout the day? During these challenging times, a common thought pattern might be: "This covid-19 stuff is getting old -- when is it going to stop? The political divide is so bad -- how can so many people be so stupid? What's the future going to be like? Will we ever get back to normal? How will I deal with my difficult family member today? They are driving me crazy."
Everyone's inner narrative is a little different but almost all of us get hooked into a repetitive pattern of thinking. It is just what the mind does, even during less challenging times. The mind likes to stir things up because otherwise it would find itself obsolete; it would be out of a job.
Recently I was taking a long walk on a lovely wooded trail near where I live. The temperature was perfect. The sun was shining. Surrounded by the beauty of nature, the "record" in my head was running full speed. I wasn't lost in the woods but I was lost in thought. Thought, by the way, which wasn't going to get me anywhere.
At one point in my walk, my thoughts were interrupted by a young boy of 9 or 10, sitting on his bike waiting for his buddies to catch up. Our conversation was brief but it broke the spell I was under. I was taken by his sweet innocence. When I asked him if he went over any of the jumps on his trail bike, he pointed out the ones he had mastered. When I asked him if it was scary, he said "well the first time I was rally scared and then I said to myself, 'just do it'."
I resumed my walk and my thinking only to be met by two more boys of roughly the same age who were also on their bikes. When I asked them how they were doing, one replied, "Best day of my life!"
"How come?" I replied.
"Well, I am on my bike and any day I am riding my bike is a good day!"
That was twice in almost 30 minutes that my thoughts were interrupted -- thoughts which usually seem so serious and important when in truth they are just rambling stories my mind makes up based on my memory or past experience. Perhaps your thoughts are different, mostly highly productive, diverse and uplifting. If so, you are in the minority according to research by the National Science Foundation which revealed that the average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thoughts, 80% are negative and 95% are exactly the same as the thoughts the day before.
Most of us can probably agree that our thoughts generally tend to be the same day to day. It is very easy to find ourselves in a mind rut which can make life quite boring and/or upsetting. Many of us today, myself included, are trying hard to find a safe, peaceful place to reside. It seems that at every turn, our minds are met with negativity and conflict in the outer world. And then we ruminate in an attempt to break free which usually only serves to lead us around in circles. Isn't it true that the mind thinks it can figure it out by going over everything ad nauseam which is pretty ridiculous when you think about it.
If these challenging times have taught me anything, it is that the only peaceful, safe place to be in this world is inside myself. And that doesn't mean inside my thinking mind. It's a place I go where I give my mind a rest and just be in the silence. It is not really meditation in the formal sense. I'm not trying to force my mind to do anything because usually when I do that it just rebels. I am not trying to get anywhere. I am not even trying to relax because when I do that I find I get even more anxious about needing to relax.
I am certainly no guru or expert on the mind although I have read countless books and tried numerous techniques having to do with meditation and mindfulness. All I can do is share my own experience. Here is what I do when I want to escape the madness of the world, which, by the way is another way of saying I want to escape the madness of my own mind. I...
Close the door and sit quietly and comfortably in my favorite chair.
Remind myself that the thinking mind will never bring me peace and that it will never have the answers to the bigger questions of life (If it could, it would have done so a long time ago.)
Envision my body, mind and heart being completely open to a wisdom that is outside of the thinking mind
Sit in that silence and openness with no agenda or desire to get anywhere or change anything
When the mind starts up, I just watch how it works without trying to stop it or judge it. I remind my mind that it is okay to go off duty and take a nap for a while.
See what it feels like to just sit and be without the thinking mind.
When I do this, I experience how calming it is to jut "be" without thinking. The world doesn't come to an end surprisingly. I am reminded experientially of how limited the mind is in its ability to bring us the peace and well being we all seek. I also find myself curious about this "something else" in me", a higher wisdom if you will, that is far more intelligent and knowing than my conditioned, programmed mind. And strangely, when I go back to "doing", I find my thinking mind actually works better.