Dancing with Uncertainty
Fifteen months ago we couldnt wait to get back to normal, to our old ways of living. We were all thrust into a sea of uncertainty about almost everything and we didn’t like it. And we still don’t. While things are opening up, it is clear that there is no going back and uncertainty is still staring us in the face.
When am I going back to work? What will the new workplace look like? How many days a week will I be at the office? What about child care? Will kids be going back to school in the fall or will the new varients of the virus keep that from happening? The questions are endless.
Apart from the devastating effects of the virus, it has reminded us or taught us something essential to understanding life: we are not in control. If we were in conrol, wouldn’t we all be living and experiencing life differently? And yet most of us live under the illusion that if we could just get things the way we want them — the right job, the right spouse, the right house, perfect health — we could settle comfortably into life and be happy because we were successful in managing life so that it meets our expectations.
That’s the programming most of us receive from a very young age. If you have dreams and goals, work hard, and have a plan, you will be able to fulfill your dreams. What they forgot to tell us is that along the way unexpected things will happen that are out of our control — things that will throw a wrench into our carefully laid plans for the life we expect and want. Unfortunately, when that happens we often feel that we have failed or something has gone wrong when in fact it is just life happening. They also forgot to tell us that all those external things we are seeking are not going to bring peace and happiness. That can only be found inside.
Perhaps all of our busyness and activity is designed to keep us from the reality that we are not in control of much of anything. As much as we like to believe that we are the driver of the car, we are actually just passengers along for the ride. Life is one dynamic, interdependent process in which everything is dependent on everything else. The number of things influencing us at any one time are so vast, how could we be in control? The amount of control we think we have is minimal, even though the egoic mind tells us differently.
So if we aren’t in control and uncertainty is part of life because things are constantly changing, how do we live with it? Is there a way to dance with it so that life is an adventure rather than a series of disappointments? Here are some ways of thinking about uncertainty that may take away some of the fear and anxiety surrounding it.
Try to see life as a mystery to be experienced instead of a puzzle to be solved.
Let go of all the ideas you’ve accumulated along the way as to what makes for a happy, successful life.
Look for the possibilities and opportunities inherent in uncertainty.
Face the reality that the only thing we can be absolutely certain of is that we are all going to die one day.
Try flowing with life, regarless of what it brings, instead of resisting it.
Remind yourself regularly that life isn’t fair and that what happens to you in life is not personal.
Stay focused in the present moment instead of obsessing over the past or what might happen in the future.
When you get knocked down by the uncertainties of life — cry, grieve, be angry —allow yourself to fully feel your feelings and then get back up again.
What we are all looking for in life is security. Here is what Helen Keller said about security. “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature nor do the children of man as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run that outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'